yoga is breaking my heart

The heart opens and closes like an aperture. Like a lens, it intuitively senses how much light to let in and when to close completely.

Sometimes, I believe, we override the natural flow of the heart’s openings and closings and everything switches to manual. We may close up, shut down so that the light cannot reach us, nor can the love. We may do this out of fear, out of pain and out of not-knowing.

When we do this, I feel, the heart tries to break free of and break through the manual override, sometimes breaking it open. Just as the prime directive of all living things is to live, perhaps the heart’s prime directive is to open.

The human heart is often broken. This is not always a bad thing.  The other day a dear friend and I were talking about something that I wanted to do. She lovingly guided me to be careful, I could get hurt. Immediately I said to her; I have already been hurt! Many times. I felt my entire being resist her warning.

I want to live a life that does not avoid hurt, but rather seeks experience.

I want to complete as much karma, with as many people possible in this one lifetime. And I want to do this without fear and with love.

I want my heart to open so wide that I am blinded by the light of the Divine, seeing everything only through that light.

Yoga is now a  part of my life, each asana bringing me closer to that open place in my heart. Each wide legged stance stretching my hamstrings and stretching my inverted heart open.  Each strong warrior pose asks me what it is I am ready to fight for, and the answer is always; love and light. Every childs’ pose with my hands in prayer, my forehead on the ground connects  my heart to earth, opens my heart to earth.

I can feel yoga seeking out all the places in the rooms of my heart where I have manually closed the windows. Shut out the light and put locks on the doors. I can feel yoga gently, powerfully opening those windows, letting the light in. I can feel the locks being cut, the doors flinging wide open, the light rushing in.

I am not at all sure if I am coming back into physical form, or not after I leave this world and pass into the next. That is not for me to know, or wish upon while I am still human. My task is to be here, live here and love here. With my heart breaking open.

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